Human & Beloved
There was a time in my life where I disagreed with my mom on a moral issue that was personal to me. I felt hurt and betrayed. I brought this into a Caritas retreat and found myself in a cabin crying during personal prayer time. I wasn't alone.
In the other corner I heard some sniffles. I don't normally break rules but this time I gently inquired with my friend about what was causing her tears. Low and behold, we both were struggling with our moms.
She shared with me something her therapist had told her,
"Can you accept that your mom may never love you the way you want to be loved? Can you see her not as your mom, but as just another human being? Imperfect with faults and all?"
This remained with me. What if I could see her as Jesus sees her? In her entirety? In her wholeness? Not as failing to meet my expectations or with my deeply hurt feelings. But with compassion, tender mercy, and understanding? This transformed my relationship with my mom.
The more I prayed with this, the more I began to see my mom as super human - as in very human, with her own insecurities, her own fears, her own hurt, her own humanity. And, as superhuman - simply extraordinary. Through the lens of Jesus' unconditional love I saw her as worthy of love, beautiful in all her brokenness, brilliant in all of her talents and success, and resilient in the adversity she faced in her own life.
When I signed up to write this reflection, I picked this day because it was so close to Christmas. I thought surely the Advent season would have unfolded enough for me to share something meaningful.
What I didn't know was that this day would be the day I bury my mom. The first Wednesday of Advent she passed away, suddenly and unexpected. Though, peacefully and surrounded by my dad, my two sisters and I. Today is her funeral.
Though my grief is wide and deep, Jesus' compassion, tender mercy, and understanding anchor me. My mourning and tears in this season are now a reminder that my relationship with my mom grew into one of mutual acceptance, allowing the other to be as they are, seeing the other as worthy of God's love, needing no permission to exercise the gift of free will, and deeply loving each other in all of our blessed humanity.
Christmas is just a couple days away and I think a good question to ask ourselves would be, what relationship is in need of Jesus' lens through which to see the other as both human and beloved?
Wherever you may find yourself in this Advent season, I hope the upcoming birth of Jesus transforms something much needed in each of our lives. That we are gifted with some tangible grace that reminds us of our shared communion with God.
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his and only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16.
Amen.
Rae Visita Izquierdo