SURPRISED BY GRACE
“Lord, I am not worthy …. but only say the word” – Mt 8:8
Two days ago, I was in Tijuana, Mexico attending a quinceañera for the first time. Having to preside Mass with poor Spanish, I was very nervous. The “not enough voice” was blasting on overdrive in my mind, tempting me to focus on what I am not able to do, on my limitations and weaknesses: “Why aren’t you fluent after 10 years of crossing the border?”
Entering the Church of San Eugenio as I had done many times without seeing a priest, I was surprised to be greeted by Fr. Javier. He was warm, kind, and very helpful. He reassured me that everyone is aware of the bilingual Mass, that he will be next to me, willing to assist in whatever way I needed. During the Mass, he held the binder for me like an altar server, allowed me plenty of room to make mistakes, to acknowledge my limitations, and more importantly to trust God working through my anxieties and fears. Afterward, he thanked me earnestly, saying that it was such an honor for him to be of help.
Fr. Javier’s humble and genuine desire to help reminds me of the centurion in today’s Gospel. The latter was prompted by compassion for his servant as well as trust in Jesus’ power to heal. Fr. Javier’s kind and trusting presence helped me to accept my powerlessness and place greater trust in God. I was overcome with gratitude during the prayer before communion, “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.”
This surprising grace of surrender stays with me. A gentle yet steady attitude remains, nudging me to recognize whatever anxious feelings of “not enough-ness” I may be experiencing and turn to God. This unexpected gift invites me this Advent to create greater space for God to take the greater place.
Lord, as we enter this season of waiting and expectant hope, help me to be surprised by your grace.