GRACE THROUGH SURRENDER
“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.” - Mt. 11:28
When my mom got sick, she came up with a list of places she needed to visit before she couldn’t anymore. Being the daughter with fewer responsibilities and a flexible work schedule, I was tasked with bringing her dreams to life. I dreaded the thought of traveling with her. We are complete opposites.
I prayed more intensely the days leading up to our first trip than I did at a silent retreat. I prayed for patience and tranquility. I knew it would take a miracle for us to come home emotionally unscathed.
After the first few days in Rome, I grew tired and weary. We were constantly arguing. We couldn’t agree on anything. Everything was wrong. The more I tried, the more I felt like a failure.
It got worse as the trip continued. I lost it at Notre Dame in Paris when my mom was frustrated about something. In a moment of despair and out of desperation, I knelt down, stared at the cross, and prayed. I needed help, patience, and forgiveness. The 4th commandment, “honor thy mother,” was getting harder and harder to obey.
He answered by giving me the courage to explain to my mom how hard the trip was to plan and execute. I was trying my best. We went out for coffee afterwards. She softened. I had my caring and doting mother back. That afternoon, a friend surprised me by flying in to accompany us for the remainder of our trip.
We’ve taken many trips together since. To this day, that trip was a nightmare for me and “the best trip ever” according to my mom. Sometimes I wonder if we were on the same trip.
Reflecting on it helps me see the trip from her point of view. She was always the caregiver. On that trip, we switched roles. I, her baby, was her caregiver. She was in foreign places and was dealing with her health. Her anger stemmed from the cards she was dealt. It was never about me. God answered my prayers by removing the “woe is me” lenses and opening my eyes to my mom’s struggle with giving up control and facing her own mortality.
What is else is burdening my soul this Advent season? What other lenses need to be removed in order for me to see Your love and grace?
Kath Tran