IN MIDAIR
“Are you the one who is to come, or should we look for another?” - Luke 7:18b-23
In today’s gospel, John was suffering from physical imprisonment at the hands of Herod. His life was drawing to a close, and a sense of disappointment revealed when he asked, “Should we be looking elsewhere?” These provocative exchanges can provoke similar questions when we cannot see what is happening before us. We are never more vulnerable to doubting God’s goodness and care for us when suffering personal hardship. Such difficulties can come as a part of a wide variety of circumstances that may hinder or even prevent one from living a full life. These seeds of doubt can quickly grow and cause one to question what is true and what is not true, stretching our belief and trust in God. Doubt, at times, may not come so much from the situation itself, but in not understanding why we are going through them. When life and our expectations of God do not meet, we can begin wondering what happened or whether we missed something.
In this pandemic, people worldwide have experienced the uncertainty of liminality even more acutely and for a prolonged time. Living life suspended in midair and on the threshold that separates what was from what shall be is a balancing act. The unpredictability takes us into unknown terrain far removed from what is familiar and safe as our usual ways of managing no longer work. It can disorient us and send us off searching for a new way of living. God calls us to greater awareness and “response-ability” to expand our options and possibilities in these moments. For me, it was the invitation to pay closer attention to His advent in my grief and to become more trusting and willing. Bringing my humanness and limitations to prayer, He gently nudges me to reflect, “What is no longer sustaining in my life? Am I willing to walk into my unknown and discomfort? Do I want it more than I fear it? Will I bet on myself so my daughter can learn how to bet on herself one day?” Slowly, grace has illuminated how God has been present with me in those painful and dark times with time and patience. With this realization came much consolation and healing. Memory serves well when it makes us mindful of the enduring presence of a God who promises to always walk with us in more ways than we can ever imagine.
Lord, help me freefall into your deep embrace.
Tam Lontok