“Congratulations, you just finished the world’s toughest race.” – Bear Grylls……. Or God?
This past week I finished watching “The World’s Toughest Race” – an adventure race where teams of four cover hundreds of miles in Fiji in 11 days or less. They face a myriad of challenges and must race the clock to meet checkpoint cutoff times, sacrificing rest and sleep. I’m intrigued by this sort of thing and immediately started looking up local adventure races I could try (albeit much shorter!). On my long run this morning, my mind wandered to the adventure race. What is it about these physical challenges that attract me? As I pushed through my aching knees and tiredness, very slowly, I could feel my spirit lighten. It seemed as if persevering through the physical and mental challenges made room for me to unearth my true spirit. Could this be what draws me to challenge myself in this way? Am I yearning to rejuvenate my spirit?
It's 5:30 am, and my alarm is going off. It's Monday, and the weekly grind begins again. I head out for a run or walk before "going to work" to get an hour of "real work" time before the 8-hour onslaught of virtual meetings begins. I do my best to multi-task throughout the day to shorten the 1-2 hours at the end of the day when I have quiet time to do "real work" again. As the workday ends, I'm exhausted. I walk downstairs to my living room, and its emptiness is both a blessing and a curse. I am only responsible for tending to my needs, yet the absence of in-person connection slowly seeps into my heart. I see life moving forward for those around me – engagements, marriages, babies, new jobs, new starts. I ask myself, "Why is my life at a standstill? Should I move and start anew to escape the what-ifs or what could have been? Should I do something to shake things up? How do I turn this need for control and answers off? How do I trust that all things have a place and time?"
I want to turn off my problem-solving mind and tame the need to know that what I desire will be fulfilled. I yearn to be - to surrender my questions, fears, doubts, and grief over what is not or what could have been and what was lost. When I follow the invitation to nourish my heart, it grounds me. It reveals itself in moments when: I take a new turn on a long run and discover something new, allowing my artwork to take shape on its own and not according to my plan, hearing the crashing waves at the beach sing me alive, and receiving the overwhelming beauty of nature on a weekend camping trip. Slowly they help me build and solidify a foundation of seeing life from a perspective of abundance vs. scarcity, choosing hope over despair, leaning into discomfort over numbness, trusting myself and God, and awakening my inner child that knows she is enough.
I am enough; this is enough. God is enough. I will savor any and all laughter. I will cherish the unique window into my coworkers' lives (children, pets, bedrooms, construction, etc.), soak up the extra time in my neighborhood, treasure road trips, learn more about myself, and welcome the simplification of to-dos. Because if I'm honest, amidst all my questioning and doubts, I have a deep sense that something different, something extraordinary is in-store or perhaps already happening. In fact, in its way, I think that each day offers this gift of being extraordinary. So today, I'll choose to keep working on my foundation. Some days I'm down, some days I'm high and hopeful, but each is a part of the journey, my "tough race" – equally important. Help me, Lord, to trust you so that I can ride this rollercoaster with my hands held high or, when needed, with them grasping the "oh sh*t" bar. It is quite a ride, and for that, I am grateful. I am yours, and you are mine.
Joan Ervin