No set plans. No routine. No set alarms. No mass. Countless weeks of quarantine slowly rocked me into a deep slumber that I didn’t realize I was in until God nudged me into signing up for the Breathing Gratitude retreat. Meditating every week opened my eyes to all the subtle ways God was present in the ordinary moments of recent months. These moments that I would look over pre-quarantine became the highlights of my week. Like my brother teaching me how to clean sneakers, and my mom and I finding a show to sit and watch together. How beautiful is it to savor the ordinary into the extraordinary? I’m slowly learning that God is in what you do daily. Who you are and how you become his "delight." Easy to say but so difficult to believe when the world has an "If ___, then ___" formula. It makes me think that if I fit into a specific mold, then He will draw closer.
God simply is. God simply wants you to be. That "simple ask" can be so difficult for me. My pre-quarantine days were filled with being somewhere, doing something, errands I had to do during the week, gatherings I’d go to during the weekend. It’s as if God wiped out my calendar so I could be with Him and pray. And in this stillness of quarantine, my emotions and anxieties are louder. No longer can I turn to being out and about to avoid what I’m feeling inside. Some days feel like a calm shore. Some days feel like a dark tunnel.
I’m reminded of a hike on the Mount Lowe Trail to Inspiration Point. Driving up to the trailhead, the views are spectacular. There's a point at the beginning of the hike where you walk through the Mueller Tunnel. Emerging from the walk through the tunnel, I was greeted with a beautiful postcard view of the San Gabriel mountains. It was like God’s warm embrace coming from darkness and feeling the sunshine on your face. First time on the trail, I had no idea all that beauty was waiting for me on the other side.
In a dream, God took me back to this hike and said: “trust me in the tunnel.” We can still experience His presence and joy through the unknown. Our daily lives have changed, but His love remains the same. Though the world feels so heavy, I’ll continue to work from this hope: There is goodness waiting for us on the other side.
Hillsong’s “To Be Like You” is a song that reminds me to surrender to God’s plans.
Jesus, Jesus, all I want is to be like you.
Jesus, Jesus, all I want is to be like you.
Janella Sigua