HE CALLS ME OUT
Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life” - Jn. 11:25
The readings today breathe peace into my often restless heart. In my own healing journey and times of wrestling with God, I’ve found myself saying what Martha and Mary said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here…” In the midst of pain, it can be difficult to see the presence of God or trust that Jesus truly is the “resurrection and the life.” We can cry out with the psalmist, “Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; Lord hear my voice!” and feel unheard. In the first reading today, the Lord says: “I will open your graves and have you rise from them…I will put my spirit in you that you may live...I have promised, and I will do it, says the Lord.” We can place our hope in his promises and trust in his love and desire to bring beauty and life out of our own suffering and death.
Nearly two years ago, I participated in a Catholic retreat called Grief to Grace, where we journey with one another as we unite our own suffering from abuse and trauma to the passion and death of Jesus and find new life in his resurrection. One powerful prayer experience I had was during a Living Scripture, where we placed ourselves in the gospel from today where Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. Like Lazarus, we are in the tomb, and Jesus calls us by name to come out. During this meditation, a question rose up in me: Do I really want to step out of the tomb? I saw parts of my heart that I had closed off, numbed, and which seemed too broken and even irredeemable. Just as Lazarus was asleep and Jesus came to awaken him, I recognized that parts of my heart had been asleep that I needed the Lord to breathe life into—that I needed him to awaken.
Due to past wounds, I have found myself within a tomb. But the very walls that may have promised safety, bound me. Walls of the tomb, built in fear and self-protection, have hindered me from receiving the fullness of love that will heal my heart—the very Love that will roll away the stone and untie me.
In the Lenten song: Hosea (Come Back to Me), the Father sings to each of us: “Come back to me with all your heart; don’t let fear keep us apart...Long have I waited for your coming home to me and living deeply our new life.”
While we often find ourselves waiting for him in times of suffering and uncertainty, the Father waits for us. Jesus shows the heart of the Father and his faithfulness. As he calls each of us by name, longingly he waits for us to come to him with all of our heart: our fears, brokenness, joys, sorrows, and hopes. He is tender with our hearts and desires to draw us out of our tombs to restore us and bring us into the brilliant light and joy of new life with him.
I enjoy praying with the song: Out of Hiding, which speaks to the heart of God and his great love that calls us out and to himself. I hope it is a blessing for you as well.
What parts of my heart or areas in my life do I struggle to bring to God? What are ways that God may be inviting me to trust him and give those parts of myself more fully to him?
Maria Biggi