An Invitation to Honest Conversation
“Repent and believe in the gospel.” – Mk 1:15
I am a recovering perfectionist, frequently being hard on myself. Over the past few months, my connection with God has been changing, experiencing a season of quiet. I’ve also been caught in a spell of shame, self-doubt, and self-reliance. If someone were to eavesdrop on my prayer recently, they would hear something like this:
Tri – God, I’m not sure that you want me around … I’ve not been myself lately.
GOD – I know.
Tri – I’ve been afraid, losing confidence, not faithful in prayer. Aren’t you sick of me?
GOD – Yes, I know. I still love you.
Tri – How can you? The past few months have shown the real me. I’m worthless.
GOD – Yes, you have not been your best lately. If you are willing to see what I see in you, you won’t doubt your goodness – my goodness in you.
Tri – You mean you see worth in me that I’m not seeing? Hmmm... I need to think about that for a while.
GOD – You sure do!
God's sense of humor reveals a narrative of patient, unconditional love. However, my mindset betrays a belief in meritocracy: if I succumb to temptation, I feel unworthy of God's love. Yet, God's response is not abandonment but an invitation to embrace a wider perspective, reminiscent of the covenant forged with Noah’s generation in today's first reading. Despite my mistakes, God’s love remains steadfast. My foolishness may keep me from God, but it doesn’t keep God from me.
Jesus’ call to "Repent and believe in the gospel" urges a profound shift in mindset. The Greek term for repentance, metanoia, implies a transformation of both mind and heart. It goes beyond mere regret for sins, encompassing a new way of perceiving and relating to God, ourselves, and others.
I’m becoming more painfully aware of how deeply ingrained my merit-based narrative still influences my relationship with God. Humbly, I desire to embrace the narrative of relentless love. Perhaps this Lent marks the start of another journey for me towards metanoia.
Are you willing to have an honest conversation with God this Lent? Perhaps it will uncover a narrative that shapes the way you relate with God and initiate a transformative process of metanoia.