DOES ORDER MATTER?
“Which is the first of all the commandment?”- Mark 12:28-34
Fr. Michael Payyapilly asked the parishioners during his homily, “Does order matter?” Can we love our neighbor first and then love God or do we love God first before we can love our neighbors? For most of us, it is easier to love our neighbor first, than to love God first.
One of the people I find difficult to love is my dad. I thought fathers are supposed to love their children unconditionally. Yet, it does not feel like unconditional love when he yells, “Stop crying!” while, I am struggling to breathe and while, he is driving me to the hospital. As a child, these emotions of anger, love, hate, and suffocation were difficult to understand. I did not like how I was treated by my dad. My dislikes and resentments over the years began to water the seed of one of my many coping mechanisms, which sprouted into being less vocal about my needs.
What happens when I love my neighbors after listening, learning, living, and relearning the meaning of loving our God with all of my heart, all of my soul, all of my mind, and all of my strength? When I allow God to show me how to love each and every person that is placed before me, there is less room for the I, the me, and the ego. The world around me begins to expand immensely like the first rays of sunrise touching the dark earth.
What happens when I love my neighbors, in my case my father, first before God? It is my will, my way, my ego, mine, mine, mine. When I am hurt, I find it hard to forgive. I am unable to listen and to understand the fullness of the human life before me. The world around me shrinks into small inescapable spaces to suffocate the life out my soul.
My current relationship between my dad and myself is at best, a work in progress. I am recognizing that he has his history, his demons, his unfulfilled needs that need tending too. I am learning that I cannot fix or save anyone. I am learning that I must invite God into the relationship and ask God my questions, “What do you see?,” “What is my part to do?,” and “What is the best way I can love, in truth and in love, the person before me?”
As I grew in age and allowed God to be with me intimately in my fears, my pains, my joys, my happiness, my wonderings, my love, my hate, my disgust, and my hopes, I began to recognize little by little, the God of possibilities. Once I began to courageously face God and to present God all of my heart, all of my soul, all of my mind, and all of my strength, I could begin to look at myself and my relationship with God. Only after this experience, could I take a loving look at my relationship with others (including my dad).
Therefore, the love that flows through me onto my neighbor must come from loving God first. Why? It is God who loved us first. God is love. God’s love is perfect love. This is why the first and greatest commandment is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all you mind, and with all your strength.” Unless we learn to love the Lord our God first with our entire being, the second commandment is on our own terms, not God’s.
How am I invited to love (in truth and in love) each person that comes before me? What parts of me am I willing to show to God?
Tram Nguyen