“I Love You, You Love Me”
"And to love him with all your heart, with all your understanding, with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is worth more than all burnt offerings and sacrifices." - Mk 12:33
A juvenile retort I used to think whenever I heard “love your neighbor as yourself” was, “If I don't love myself much, doesn't that mean I don't have to love other people that much either?” How ironic, then, that one of my greatest struggles in my young adult life ended up being loving myself.
I found little reason to believe I was worthy of love for the longest time. Struggling with my weight, bouts of lethargy, and crushing thoughts of unworthiness on a day-to-day basis made me feel there wasn’t anything worth loving. I obsess over my imperfections and insecurities so much I sometimes cannot fathom why anyone would want to love me, let alone a perfect being like God.
Yet, I am surrounded by examples of beautiful love. Like the love of a friend taking time off to navigate LA traffic to pick me up from LAX after a long trip, my partner helping me clean up in preparation for a dinner party I’m hosting, or the love of my parents always welcoming me home with a warm meal whenever I visit. And especially God’s love, deeper than the deepest oceans and higher than the highest mountains, so much so that He would give His only son so I can be closer than ever to Him.
It’s a little daunting, being surrounded by so much love, but reflecting on these examples of love makes me want to love myself too in the same way so I can love them back with the same vigor and heart they give me and more. It's a love-fest of the best kind, as mushy as it sounds. And in today’s Gospel, Jesus invites us, again and again, to love Him with all our hearts and love our neighbors as ourselves. Hidden in that is the invitation to also love ourselves to love God and our neighbors fully. Even though it will not happen overnight, I want to keep working on loving myself. One day, I want to say I love myself so confidently that I have to love everyone and God even more. That I can give even more than I have so wonderfully received.
Dear God, help me to love with all my heart. To love myself, my neighbors, and You more than ever. Help me to accept all my shortcomings and be filled with love so I can give even more love than ever before.
Kevin Nguyen