THE DISPOSITION OF MY HEART
“Now, Israel, hear the statutes and decrees which I am teaching you to observe, that you may live…” - Deuteronomy 4:1
When it comes to rules, regulations, statutes, or commandments, I am generally someone who stays in line. At least when it comes to “don’t do X”. I’m not perfect and by no means, do I “stay in the right” all the time. But I don’t have a lot of temptations inviting me to purposefully break the rules. I admit though, that in preparing to write this reflection, I found myself dreading it. I knew I’d need to admit to myself (and others) that I haven’t been keeping my Lenten intentions. The daily prayer time and journaling that I know will bring me closer to God are, for the most part, a nice idea that has yet to materialize. However, one intention I am slowly making progress on is re-reading C.S. Lewis’ “The Screwtape Letters”, a portrayal of correspondence between an old devil advising his younger nephew devil on how to best achieve the damnation of an ordinary man. It has reminded me about the power simple things like distraction, irritation, tiredness, philosophizing, or fear of a not-yet-realized future, can have. To move past these aspects of the human condition, I find myself wrestling with the question “what is the disposition of my heart?”. Am I willing to do more than just not break the rules, perhaps even “fulfill” them? Willing to say yes to loving God with my whole heart?
Jesus’ declaration in today’s Gospel that he has “come not to abolish but to fulfill” the law is challenging me to reflect on what fulfillment of the law looks like. Is it a life of not doing or a life of purposeful action? Is it internal or external? For me, I can acknowledge that it is likely all the above. But for now, I sense an invitation to consider how I fulfill loving God and loving my neighbor. Starting with the smallest of actions, restraints, intentions. Starting with the disposition of my heart.
What is the disposition of your heart? What is God inviting of you?
Joan Ervin