FEARFUL YET OVERJOYED
“You will show me the path to life, fullness of joys in your presence, the delights at your right hand forever.” - Psalm 16:11
A couple of years ago, I had the privilege to sponsor someone who was entering the Church at the Easter Vigil. While we were waiting for the liturgy to begin, we were in the parish hall catching up. With about thirty minutes before the liturgy, a flash of fear overtook his face. He seemed worried and agitated. All of a sudden, he turned to me and said, “I don’t think I can do this.” Out of concern, I asked him where this was coming from. He replied, “I’m the only one in my family who will be Catholic. I know they’re here to support me, but I’ll feel like an outsider. I don’t know if I can go through that.”
As I listened, I gently told him, “Take a deep breath. I understand you are afraid. You are about to take a risk. Yet, entering the Church is not an impulsive decision. Remember the history of grace that brought you to this moment. Recall the conversations and consolations you felt that brought you joy when you talked about being Catholic.” Instinctively, I took out my rosary and asked him to do the same. Together, we prayed the first decade of the Glorious Mysteries, the Resurrection. I told him that as we slowly meditated on this mystery to put himself at the tomb and imagine Christ giving him the charge to preach the Gospel. When we finished, he looked at me with a sense of calm and relief. We thanked God for that moment and started to line up for the Easter Vigil.
When we are about to or have experienced profound moments of grace and consolation, St. Ignatius in the Spiritual Exercises tells us that the evil spirit will do everything in its power to distract or place doubt in us. What we have to do is remember our history of grace, like the graced moment where Jesus tells Mary Magdalene in today’s Gospel, “Do not be afraid.” Jesus is the one who will show us the “path to life and the fullness of joy.” He has never failed us. So let us take a deep breath to breathe in new life, courage, hope, and joy, and recall with great confidence that God has indeed risen. The world needs to know and let us do our part to share and live that message.
Recall your own history of grace. How is God asking you to preach the Gospel in your own life? What grace do you need to live out the Gospel with joy and courage?
Alex Llanera, SJ