WHERE AM I?
"Abba, Father, all things are possible to you. Take this cup away from me, but not what I will but what you will." - Mark 14:1 - 15:47
The Church celebrates today as both Palm Sunday and Passion Sunday. It reveals the brokenness and beauty of humanity in binding the contrasting moments of glory and suffering. It reminds us that our human journey is a marriage of opposites where there is no life without death, no joy without heartache, no pleasure without discomfort, no resurrection without darkness, no sound without silence, and no good without sin because the call to holiness invites us to embrace true wholeness.
As we begin Holy Week, we are encouraged to remember and relive the events and examine where we may possibly be in the story. Do I respond like Simon helping Jesus in his time of need? Have I denied knowing Jesus like Peter through my actions or inaction? Do I act against my own consciousness like Pilate? Where am I as Jesus passes by on the donkey? Am I the one in the crowd shouting his name? When have I betrayed others or myself like Judas?
Imagining myself in the scene, it always strikes me as sacred when people decide to simply live out their truth, even when the odds were against them. Each of them had the courage to say, “This is who I am.” Just like Jesus. Instead of reacting to his accusers, Jesus remained attuned to God’s will. He willingly lowered himself and freely laid down his life to the same world that tore his heart out. He ran towards grief, pain, and brokenness and humbled himself to share in God’s greater story without shame.
Through the years, I have come to greater understanding that in order to live fully, I must allow myself to be seen. It asks me to take chances in risking failure and possibly disappointing others as well as myself. It challenges me in making the conscientious effort to change the childhood narrative of “not enough” to “I am enough.” By turning towards God and listening to the gentle voices of love through my husband, daughter, family, friends, faith group, spiritual directors, mentors, and community, His voice becomes stronger than mine. He draws me closer to the heart and truth of His story. He guides me to believe that we are all in this together and how there is no prize for the most composed.
Heavenly Father, help me to listen for the love.
Tam Lontok