THY WILL, NOT MINE BE DONE
"Those who are healthy do not need a physician, but the sick do. I have not come to call the righteous to repentance but sinners." -Luke 5:31
For years, I used to have this horrible feeling that God forgot to give me the handbook to life everyone else seemed to have. I was hurting people I loved, my performance at work was suffering, and I was rapidly gaining weight – compulsively overeating to take the edge off. The bigger my messes became, the harder I’d try. The harder I’d try, the bigger my messes became. I couldn’t escape this loop of insanity.
I was desperate to end this living hell, so I entered a 12-step addiction recovery program. In a meeting, I heard something similar to what Jesus, in today’s gospel, taught the tax collectors and sinners to believe: “I’m not a bad person. I’m just a sick person who needs spiritual help”.
When I heard those words, shame ceased operating in my heart. If God said in the beginning that his creation is good, then I AM GOOD! If I’m still struggling to break free from habitual sin, then maybe it’s time to stop accepting the enemy’s lies and start taking God’s medicine?
And so, I have. By the grace of God, I’ve been sober from compulsive overeating for over 9 months now. Jesus’s personal prescription for freedom and joy had been written in the Gospel all along! If “re” means to do again and “penance” means to orient one’s will and life to the care of God, then just for today…let us continue to embrace our identity as God’s beloved children, repenting…one day, one moment at a time.
How is Jesus inviting me to be freed from shame? Could simply praying “thy will, not mine” each day lead me to greater healing and deeper relationship with God and others?
Nate Dias