COMING TO MY SENSES
“He said to him, ‘My son, you are here with me always; everything I have is yours. But now we must celebrate and rejoice, because your brother was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.’” - Lk 15:31-32
Sitting in a room quietly with my spouse and our couple’s counselor, we were seeking help after two years of marriage and were at the brink of ending it all. After going through several sessions, the breakthrough was when I said: “I have a confession. I found the root of my anger. I am so sorry for not being a better husband and best friend.”
I didn’t confess to them for over three months because I was so ashamed for being a hypocrite who was unconsciously committing sinful acts to fuel my uncontrollable anger. I was losing friends, losing opportunities, and even losing myself.
When I came to my senses like the prodigal son in today’s Gospel, I immediately met a dear friend who happens to be a Jesuit priest. Upon our conversation, he asked if I wanted the Sacrament of Reconciliation since I felt like the prodigal son in today’s Gospel: “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I no longer deserve to be called your son.” I pleaded with God for forgiveness, a conversion of my heart, and a greater self awareness.
Professor Paul J. Wadell wrote: “It is when the prodigal son is able to imagine that the life he lost can be restored that he finds the energy he needs to break the chains of his captivity and begin his journey home.”
My journey home has led to over a decade of blessed marriage along with stronger relationships with those around me. Although I’m still far from perfect, thanks to God, I am now a better neighbor, colleague, friend, family member, husband, and most importantly, a child of God.
Lord, help me find the energy to break the chains of captivity to help me imagine the life that I’ve lost that can be restored through your forgiveness.
John Huân Vũ
Photo credit: John Huân Vũ