LOVE TRANSFORMS
“Woman, why are you weeping?” - John 20:15
While on my six-hour road trip down south in August 2021, from Northern California to Southern California, I stopped at my hometown to visit with my 70-year-old grandmother. She had been admitted to the hospital due to health complications. Little did I know that visit would be the last visit, the last time I would ever see her. And little did I know that I would be present when she passed, that I would be able to kiss her goodbye and comfort my uncles in their grief. It was a moment that seemed to last for hours. Confusion and joy and sadness and gratitude arose within me all at once, and three of us family members stood there in silence, tenderly watching her life pass.
It was not the fact that I was there to witness her last breath that devastated me- somehow I knew that she was fragile in her aging and could go any minute- it was the months that came after that felt heavy, when the realization of her absence sunk in and when there was no longer the ability to plan a visit with her. It finally hit me that both of my grandmothers had gone to God. Two strong women who had raised many humans and, each in their own way, modeled what it meant to be a woman of faith and family for me. And I felt very, very sad for an entire year.
In today’s Gospel, twice Mary Magdalene is asked “why are you weeping?” She is a follower of Jesus, so it is easy to assume how overwhelmed by sadness and confusion she must have been by the crucifixion. Still, she hurries to the tomb to be with Jesus. The question feels harsh, as if her grief is out of place or, perhaps, too much? Of course, she did not know he was alive, and once she realizes it, once she receives the gift of being the first witness of the Resurrection, does her weeping seem to end. Relief comes for her when Jesus says her name and she is brought to the present moment and is able to recognize him resurrected. Relief came for me when a wise friend of mine shared this anonymous quote: “Grief is just love with no place to go.”
I believe it's love, not sadness, that compelled Mary to rush to the tomb to feel close to Jesus. It was the love she experienced through relationship with him and the love of God she received from him. It’s love that welled her eyes with tears at what had happened. And, it's love that redirected her focus to the Resurrection and transformed her into a witness that announced the Good News to the disciples. This love is not any ordinary love, the gospel shows us that this love is God who knows her intimately, by name, and moves within her deeply, and it has chosen her to be a bearer of Good News. The deep love that drew her through the valley of grief, uplifted her to the mountain of hope where she could see beyond the painful moment to the new dawn of history. Jesus’ Resurrection has changed everything. I wonder, if she had not wept, could she have testified to this great Love?
The love that I have for my grandmothers still lives in my heart, and as long as that is true, so do they. This realization helped me move from trying to fix my grief to accepting my grief as a gift. The days aren’t sad anymore and yet, my heart still feels tender. This tenderness has opened so much emotional space for me to be patient with others, inspiring curiosity over judgment, and allowing me to lead with compassion.
As we continue rejoicing in the Resurrection, we pray that Love transforms us into witnesses of Resurrection. May we be reminded of the hope we can access through Jesus and choose to trust that hope.
What needs to be transformed within us? How can we grow in trusting God’s love?
Ana López