BE PATIENT WITH ME
“… not seven times but seventy-seven times.” Mt 18:22
One of my earliest memories was a line from Love Story, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” It encapsulates what love should be – free, non-judgmental, and unconditional. It was a love I yearned to have. But love isn’t like that, is it? In my experience, love has often been confusing, heartache, and complicated. How do you forgive when the person you love hurt you?
I spent most of my teens and adulthood being angry at my father. He wasn’t like the dads on TV. He wasn’t warm. He said hurtful things. He made me feel like I wasn’t enough; I was often a disappointment. He was human with flaws. I grew up letting anger consume our relationship. We became strangers who only said hi at holiday dinners.
When my father was diagnosed with dementia, something changed in us. He tried to be nicer, and I came to realize our time was running out. It was awkward trying to build a relationship with someone I spent my life avoiding, but we tried. We talked. My father was a religious man. My spiritual director encouraged me to pray with him, to lift my anger up in prayers, and to accept and love him as God has loved me.
Today’s gospel reminds me of the importance of forgiveness and how freely it was to let the anger go. I was the debtor that refused to forgive a fellow servant when God, my king, had forgiven me for my sins. By forgiving my father, I was allowing myself to be free of anger. I got to know the man that he was. He was never the role model father, but he was a great friend and good to people. When he passed, people traveled from all over to pay respects. Letting go provided me with the grace to know the man that he was.
How often do we let anger steal our joy and separate us from God?
Katherine Tran