Forgiveness from the Heart
“So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart.” – Mt. 18:35
Jesus, you mic dropped today’s Gospel with one of those hard sayings. Yes, forgiveness unveils the heart of Christ-like living. Seven times, maybe. But seventy-seven times, from the heart? Or else?
Would you cut us some slack, Jesus? Don’t you know there’s a pandemic outbreak?
Puzzled in prayer, I looked up at Jesus hanging on the cross – at the crucifix imaged above. Bewilderment turned to confusion, followed by exasperation, accompanied by elevated blood pressure. I took a few deep breaths. A lot of breaths. Then I confessed my deep frustration that borderlines helplessness. That kind of limitless forgiveness is so hard. Especially when the transgressor is me. Ugh!
After some time and calm, various memories flashed across my mind. It took eight years, but I learned to forgive my superiors. It took twenty years, but a woman forgave her husband and her mother-in-law. It took twenty-five years, but a Jesuit priest friend forgave his dad. These remembrances were sparse, not a total recall. Yet enough to help my heart shift to another place, to a space that enabled me to get in touch with many experiences of mercy in my life. How many times did God forgive me, accepted me, trusted me, and still called me, again and again? How many times was I taught to ask for just enough healing to begin praying for the wrongdoer and stumbled down the path of forgiveness?
Then from some place deeper within me echoes the voice of mercy on the cross, “Father, forgive them; they do not know what they are doing” (Lk 23:34). My spirit softens.
Is this what you mean to show me, Jesus? That I often forget your mercy like the debtor in today’s Gospel? That your hard words can soften my heart to imagine the impossible? That tough love can awaken awareness of your personal, limitless, and tender goodness?
Maybe turning to you on the cross and lifting up my helplessness during this hard time can soften my mind and steady my heart. Maybe it can help me rise with others to answer the call of Dr. Scott Morrow of San Mateo County Health to “dig really deep, find your best inner self, and pull out all the compassion, and gratitude and kindness you can.” Thank you for revealing to me, half-way through Lent, that forgiveness from the heart is the heart of Christian discipleship.
Jesus, help us turn, look, and be with you on the cross during these hard days ahead. Help us accompany others on their crosses. St. Patrick, pray for us!