Forgiveness Over a Lifetime
Peter approached Jesus and ask him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.” - Mt 18:21-22
In today’s Gospel Matthew does not mince words. Jesus is adamant about forgiving those who wound us. The Gospel ends in somewhat of a harsh tone as Jesus tells Peter a story about a servant being forgiven and then not passing that forgiveness on to another. He warns that God does not take this lightly. If we refuse to forgive there will be consequences. It reads a bit like an Old Testament story but it makes the point.
Over my lifetime there have been countless opportunities to forgive. Thankfully, I have taken most but if I am to be completely honest there are a few that still harden my heart. Or maybe it is better to say that I believe I have forgiven those who have wounded me deeply and then out of the blue the anger pops up and both physically and mentally I am in that dark place of unforgiveness again. Maybe that’s why Jesus tells Peter that once or twice or even seven times is not enough to forgive another. Jesus knows that forgiveness is sometimes elusive and recurring. There are some people I need to keep forgiving over and over.
My deepest wounds are at the hands of those closest to me – family members. I don’t understand their motives but feel the pain of their rejection. I have laid awake nights, cried, talked, and prayed to understand the dynamics. Over time the pain has subsided and I feel the freedom and grace of being able to let go and continue to work on forgiving.
As I reflected on this challenging Gospel message I remembered a chapter I contributed to a book published in 2007 on forgiveness. Reading it today was painful and all these years later brought tears to my eyes. While I have moved on and tried to put the pain aside it is obvious that I have not truly forgiven. My anger and frustration surface far less often than in the past but remain.
As I take all of this to prayer I ask Jesus to keep renewing my heart toward forgiveness. What also comes to mind is gratitude to God for my husband and children. Their support and understanding are precious to me.
How have the dynamics in my family fostered or hindered forgiveness? Is there someone with whom I need to think about forgiving? Am I willing to take the initiative to begin the process?
Anne Hansen