IN WAITING
What are you waiting for during this Advent season? Are you anticipating the coming of baby Jesus? Are you looking forward to the presents underneath the tree? Are you excited to reunite with family and friends?
This Advent season, I learned that I will have to wait for the results of a test. Not for school exams, but for medical test results. It was difficult to find comfort in the doctor’s response of, “It can be anything from nothing to something.” The anxious thoughts playing in my mind run like a broken record that range from “Oh, it will be nothing” all of the way to “Omg, what if it is the worst possible case scenario?” How does one sit with the wide spectrum of possibilities?
In 2013, I attended a talk called “Being Present to Each Other” at the Religious Education Congress. The speaker talked about the two questions to ask while in waiting. First, what can I do about it at this time? Second, when is the next time that I can take care of it? He gave the example from his life about how he had to go in for a routine check-up with a follow-up blood test. He went to get his blood test during the week and on late Friday afternoon, he received a phone call from his doctor’s office on his answering machine. He said it went something like this, “This is so and so from the Doctor’s office and we have the results from your blood test. Would you call our office back as soon as possible?” He went into panic mode and wondered what his blood test could have revealed? He listened to his message after business hours and could not call the doctor’s office that day. The next time the doctor’s office was open for business was on a Monday. On Monday, he called the doctor’s office back they said “everything is normal.” He realized all that worrying was for nothing and learned to ask the two questions. What can I do about it now? When can I take care of it next?
I admit that when I needed to apply these two questions during my first cancer diagnosis, I fumbled a bit because I am naturally a worrier and I was in shock. (In the past, I would not like to admit it). After my first cancer diagnosis, I went into panic mode initially because my first instinct was to wonder how much was my health going to cost? With all of my hospitalizations in the past, the bill was not cheap. The more important questions came soon after as to how am I going to deal with this cancer. I would be sent to get more tests and scans before they could decide the best course of action for my specific cancer case. This is when I learned how to ask these two questions after each test result. And, in the midst of all the chaos, I must learn to breathe through it all.
1. What can I do about it now?
Allot the time needed to:
Establish what questions I have
Do my research
For prayer
To ask God my questions
Determine where am I with all this
Decide who needs to know
2. When can I take care of it next?
Know the date and time of when you can take care of it next
Is there anything more that is within your power to alleviate your waiting like when a doctor puts in a rush order.
Who can be with me while I wait?
These two questions help me to place the broken record down and live my life as fully as I possibly can with the time that I have been given. As I ask these questions during the holiday season, I learn little by little how to place everything in the palms God’s hands. After being 5 years free and counting from my two cancer diagnoses, I am learning how Mary’s response is possible. “My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord.”
Tram Nguyen