WHAT AM I TO BE?
“All who heard these things took them to heart, saying, “What, then, will this child be?” For surely the hand of the Lord was with him.” -Luke 1:66
I live by my color-coordinated Google calendar, create elaborate spreadsheets for every trip, and think, think, and think again before making any decision. With the whiplash of a year rushing by, I “spiral think,” ruminating in endless cycles of uncertainty of the unknown, myself into paralyzed oblivion, trying to figure out what I want to work on in the new year whether in my career, relationships, personal growth, faith, projects, volunteering; the list goes on. My desire to control my destiny keeps me from letting go, trusting in God, or even being present.
This is the last thing I want to worry about going into Christmas Eve, but my Type A, fist-closed, stubborn personality can’t help it. I want to do everything, know my future, and not let any opportunity pass, ironically. Today’s Gospel, however, softly warns me with John the Baptist’s birth, the harbinger for Baby Jesus’ imminent birth, to look beyond my worries and doubts. God calls me to trust in His plan and let His gentle hand guide my discernment. He reminds me to enjoy this beautiful time celebrating Jesus’ birth with a warm, present heart filled with joy amongst loved ones.
To do so, like the questioning of those witnessing Zechariah’s silence breaking and John the Baptist’s birth, God gently asks for me, “What, then, will this child be?” This child, me. I am a child of God, one who also has the hand of the Lord guiding me. I can worry, yes, and sometimes those thoughts may sprout uninvited. But this beautiful day before Christmas’ vigil reminds me God has a hand in my life, and regardless if I know the answer or not, God will guide me to where He wants me. He calls me to take His hand and trust in Him. Whether we are a little child, just born into the world, or an old wise man, decades of experience under our belts, or anywhere in between, we are children of God. Children born of love, of potential, of God’s care and guidance in our lives. As we quickly arrive at this Christmas season, let us enter with our burdens lightened by God’s hand. Trust in God to help shoulder our burdens so we can truly celebrate this time with the heart of a child. Leave those calendars and spreadsheets behind for once. Let’s experience Christmas as a child, waiting excitedly for the next adventure with wonder and awe, with unrelenting faith that our Father, God, will help us in every step.
Dear God, please help me to take your hand. Help me to accept myself as Your child, one loved and cared for by You. Let me trust in You and leave my worries behind to fully experience the joy of Jesus’ birth with an open heart.
Kevin Nguyen