ALLL BYYY MYSELLLLLF
When you’re 28 and you quit your job, you might find yourself feeling a little very lonely and quickly tired of the quality time you now have with yourself.
It’s disorienting to go from a life full of meaning to scheduling your day around when the dog has her afternoon snack. So when I prayed today’s readings, I was reminded once again of how this “quality time” has revealed many weaknesses and vulnerabilities that I’d rather forget.
Today we hear a lot about rejection and redemption. Joseph is thrown into a pit to die out of jealousy, the servants in Jesus’ parable selfishly kill everyone trying to do the landowner’s will, and in the reading of my own life, I’m trying to do the same. I’m trying to throw all the worst parts of me in the pit to die, because I don’t like the threat they pose.
You know, those pieces of you that only come to the surface when you have the luxury of not thinking of anything else. Maybe this Lent is giving you some of that time. Are you between jobs? Working from home because of COVID-19? Dealing with a recent breakup? Are you a new stay at home Mom? Gosh, are you just praying more? Whatever the reason, maybe you’re also afraid of confronting the “worst” parts of you.
My prayer life this past month has consisted mainly of me yelling these two questions:
1. God, why did you make me like this?!
2. What do you want me to do with the worst parts of me?
Lent is tough! But I’m trying to listen as the Lord gently responds to my yelling. The Lord has a use for all I try to destroy. There is a place for Joseph, for the least among us, for Jesus on the cross, for my anxiety, failures, and feelings of uselessness. Will I allow Jesus to use me, and I mean, all of me, as a Cornerstone in His Kingdom today?
Do I believe that the Lord has use for the “worst” parts of me?
Can I talk to the Lord about my fears and hesitations about His using me as a cornerstone in His Kingdom today?
Teresa Nygard