TO BE KNOWN
Your words, Lord, are Spirit and life; You have the words of everlasting life. - John 6:63c, 68c, verse before the gospel
Journal entry in July, 2022:
“Dearest Lord,
What is it about words that binds my hands, feet, and heart as if I were placed under spell? Growing up with my sisters and dad, words shook my very core.”
Walking through life, I was under the impression that the denotation (aka. dictionary meaning) of words were universal and understood by all exactly the same. Slooooowly, I am learning that how I relate to words is very different from how my dad and my sisters relate to words. This is known as the connotation of words in communication studies, where everyone has their own definition for words like friend, love, and God. I was mistaken and still, I find myself falling, as if placed under a magic spell, when certain words are used. How do you relate to words in your life? More than ever, I believe that how I relate to a word is never how someone else will view the same word.
As a child, I found spoken words to be very confusing. Between conversing with my family, school teachers, and medical staff (because I was a sick child), switching from English to Vietnamese was difficult. In my English-speaking school, teachers encouraged participating and talking aloud, while at my Vietnamese-speaking home, voicing my mind was punished. This confusion led me to keep my mouth shut on most occasions and until much later in life, I was unable to speak my words about things in my life like illness, thoughts, and feelings.
We have heard the word abracadabra used in magic shows to conjure up what appears to be impossible like the magician pulling a dove from their sleeve. Yet, have we stopped to think what this word means? In Hebrew, abracadabra means “I will create as I speak” and in Aramaic, “I create like the word.” Although words are symbols or tools that we use to communicate to one another and to ourselves, words have power. The words that we speak mean something and represent something. If words are only symbols, why do I find myself, at times, completely helpless?
Near the end of last year, I believed that there are words that would never describe me. Something was unsettling within my soul and I knew that this meant it was time to sit down with God. So, I did. Never could I imagine myself committing one of the seven deadly sins until I spoke the word aloud to God. Immediately, my soul was awakened and freed as if released from shackles and heavy chains. My body felt lighter and I could not believe that what was causing the anguish within me was denying myself to be fully me. From my childhood, I was unable to recognize it. In my adulthood, I was unable to comprehend it. As I walk, talk, and work with God about this word, it was revealed to me the ways I was a slave to this sin. This word, like a magic spell, released me from my burden and allowed me to roam free again. This word reminded me to be known as a beloved child of God and to play again like never before.
Your words, Lord, are intimately connected to where I am in my life. How do I let myself to be known to You?
Tram Nguyen