FINDING MY WAY BACK TO GOD
“’But now we must celebrate and rejoice, because your brother was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.'" - Luke 15:32
Let us remember our journey toward God profoundly. However, some of us might have felt lost or strayed away from the faith at one point.
About a year ago, I had my desert moment with God at the 4PM Experience, where every prayer method I tried left me lonely. I had just exited a long-distance relationship, and my internship position was great until anxiety hit me. Negative thoughts permeated my brain; I couldn’t see where God was leading me in those moments. Going to Mass felt like a chore as my soul dried up.
I felt like a lost sheep for the first time. Where was God in those moments of disappointment and desolation? I cried for days in my prayer until my tears blinded my eyes. During one mass, I remembered confessing to the priest that I had lost my faith and had difficulty dealing with those feelings.
As we finished my confession, he looked at me and said, “Come to my office any time, and we’ll talk.” I nodded. Biweekly, I started going to spiritual direction, and he gave me new insights. In each session, the priest listened, empathized, and accompanied me.
At the beginning of this year, the day after my birthday, I embarked on a silent retreat where I saw a snippet of a scene of Little James’s encounter with Jesus from The Chosen. The 6-min clip left me in tears as Jesus spoke to my heart: “I have been looking for you all this time, beloved daughter.”
Recently, I’ve realized that all the crosses that I bore up to this point in my life have given me the grace to know how much Jesus loves me in all I am. Thus, I “was lost, but now has been found,” now stronger in faith and love for God.
This Lent, let us ponder how God led us back to Him. Notice his graces even in moments of desolation and remember that we never have to bear our crosses alone.
Sue Do