WHO’S IN THE SPOTLIGHT?
“The greatest among you must be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled; but whoever humbled himself will be exalted” -Matthew 23:11-12
People pleasing has always been something I struggled with. As far back as I can remember, my only goal was to serve and make sure everyone was happy, even if it meant sacrificing my own needs and ignoring God’s will for me. I witnessed this indiscriminate self-sacrifical behavior in my family, then in my church, and then in my workplace. Self-sacrifice and burnout had become so normalized and glorified that I genuinely believed I was fine...but I was not. I was suffering from my own self-exaltation.
It took nearly losing my job, developing crippling anxiety, escaping my pain through unhealthy compulsive behaviors, my partner leaving me, and then finally seeking help through prayer, therapy, and a 12-step addiction recovery program for me to realize that my people-pleasing had left a path of destruction in its wake and my connection with God had been worn down to nothing more than a single thread.
Today’s gospel and Jesus’s words have been the theme of my recovery; “You have but one teacher, one master, one father, and one God”. For years, I felt like I needed to play God because I couldn’t trust Him enough to surrender and let him take control of my life. I needed to control the outcome of all my relationships . I needed to earn the love I didn’t think I deserved. But every time I mindlessly said yes to others without taking God or myself into consideration, I got hurt. This people-pleasing had brought me nothing but pain and anger which had warped and twisted into bitterness. When I hit rock bottom a year ago, I fell on my knees and cried out to God “Have mercy! I’ve tried my way...and it doesn’t work. Please...just tell me what I need to do” Slowly but surely, God gave me one small invitation after another, whispering as gently as he does now asking “Who is your God? Is it your parents? Is it your boss? Is it your crush? Is it money? Is it ego?” And every time I hear those challenging words, I feel an overwhelming peace in my soul as I respond “It’s you God. You are the only one I love above all. I choose you”. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m slowly starting to believe that every time I say YES to God, I am saying YES to myself and the deepest desire of my heart. Every NO that I’ve prayed through recently has resulted in gracious compassion and understanding. I can’t help but smile seeing how God shows up for me every time I choose to let go and let God.
Let us ask “Who is my God right now? Who do I love above all? Who do I serve before any other?”
Nate Dias
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